A Bi-Monthy Greeting from the Duct Tape Guys!
Due to our spring travel schedule and projects in the works, we are cutting back on the monthly newsletters for a while. But, that doesn't mean that we aren't busy updating the web site. From the Duct Tape Diner, to the Bodyshop on a Roll and of course, our Duct Tape Sightings pages, we are busy keeping you updated on all things duct tape.

Since this issue is coming out right before VALENTINE'S DAY, we only thought it fitting to include one of Tim's recent paintings ("Joseph Comes a Courtin'") as our little Valentine's gift to you (and as a hint to the guys that it's time to go out and get your sweetie a little something for HER special day - a little something like dinner reservations... at which time you will present her with a dozen Duct Tape Roses that you've crafted so very lovingly using the instructions in our Make-it-Yourself pages). You can see more of Tim's paintings at GalleryFortyTwo.com.

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SPECIAL PHOTO ASSIGNMENT

Here's another reminder about our new contest... Look at the 2008 above. Notice how it looks like four rolls of duct tape? We won't see a year with more rolls of duct tape in it until 2088. So grab your digital camera and go on a DUCT TAPE SPOTTING PHOTO SAFARI! Get shots of any duct tape sighting you come upon in your daily life and email them to us. We'll post them on our Duct Tape Sighting pages and possibly put them into a future next book that's in the works. The duct tape usage doesn't have to be that obvious - in fact, it will be a challenge for our readers to spot the duct tape in every photo. There's your assignment, now go out and start seeing duct tape!

Duct Tape Guys on YouTube
Okay - we broke down and did it... posted a lot of our videos on You Tube so the world can find 'em easier. We'll be adding to the bunch that's posted there, so check back every once in a while.

While the Presidential Primaries are in full swing, you might want to take a gander at our Presidential Exploration Committee video that we posted about a year ago... and, if you want to lose your lunch, watch Jim master the art of bratwurst making. Or, if you missed them on TBS's Man Made Movie - we've included four or five of the bits we filmed in Georgia while they were building their ultimate guy party house.

In Connecticut they call the place where you go to get your driver's license the Department of Motor Vehicles. Makes sense to me. Well, in Colorado they call it the Department of Revenue. I guess they just gave up on trying to disguise their intentions and decided to level with people. You at least have to admire their honesty.

My lovely wife bought some honey that came in  a plastic container which was shaped like a bear. When my kids asked why they would put honey in something shaped like a bear she explained that was because bears eat honey. Well, if they followed that kind of logic with other things then shouldn't donuts be shaped like cops?

Ed Note: Yeah, or maybe beer bottles should be shaped like me and Jim.

I saw a new type of Frosted Mini Wheats that were called "Big Bites" because they were larger than regular Mini Wheats. Shouldn't they just be called Frosted Wheats?

I was having some salsa the other day and I was reading  the side of the jar, as I often do. It said that the serving size was two tablespoons. Who are these people who stop eating salsa after two tablespoons? To me two tablespoons is about a chip and a half's worth. Are these the same people they are designing the "one size fits all" bathrobes and baseball hats for?

Dale's website discovery of the month: If you are lost in the woods, take out a deck of cards and begin to play solitaire. It won't be long until someone comes along and tells you to put the red jack on the black queen. As much as I would love to claim that as my own, it comes from a great site which gives you thousands of little bits of wisdom which they call "Rules of Thumb". This is a site that will capture your attention for hours.  If you like my column, first of all, you have excellent taste, and secondly, you will love this website: RulesOfThumb.org

And, speaking to politics and social justice (as Tim is often ready to do...) here is a video that talks about The Cost of the Iraq War and what that would translate to per day for Americans. (click the play button in the "Share the Video" section.) And, Less Jobs More Wars - three videos that may encourage you to do something.

Meet us at The Duct Tape Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:

Lady Bug Remover Here in Indiana we get TONS of ladybugs in the fall. They always manage to get inside my house. I get very tired of grabbing kleenex after kleenex to kill them. So I take a strip of duct tape and roll it up, sticky side out, and then gently press it on all the lady bugs I find. Once they're on the duct tape, they can't escape. It's quick, easy and best of all, cheap! - Randy Hoover

Mouthpiece on a Roll I coach boys lacrosse, and occasionally, players forget their mouthpieces. It is penalty to not have one in during play, so I carry some Duct Tape in my coaches bucket to remedy this. Just tear off a 2 to 3 inch piece, fold the sticky side together lengthwise, and wallah, a mouthpiece. Of course, I strongly suggest they bring a real one next time...but we're always prepared. - Mike D., Virginia

Resourceful Room Cleaning 101 I am a messy person, and I live in my room... I hadn't cleaned my room in a year and my mom had started getting really annoyed and was always yelling at me to "get the garbage off the floor." So one day me and a few friends decided we'd do just that. We put what little money we had together and ran up to the store to buy about four rolls of duct tape, came back, and proceeded to tape all the garbage from my floor onto my wall... Mom almost had a stroke when she saw what we had done. - Yuri K., Toronto, Ontario

Luggage Retrieval When our family travelled to England a few years ago, my son, Timothy, put duct tape on our large suitcase so we could find it easily in the luggage train. He decorated it quite a bit. We arrived back into Philladelphia, and there was a delay for the final leg of the journey. (It was the day of New York's blackout) We finally got home - with no luggage. The lost luggage form had a description line. After watching me write "covered with duct tape," the station representative remembered our case and retrieved it immediately. - Sue G., State College, PA

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat- cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.

5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

* * * * * THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER * * * * *
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.

Nab the Duct Tape Apparel you want at the Pro Shop
The Duct Tape Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and slogans.

And remember, when it comes time to buy our books for your friends and relatives (or yourself) there's no better place than the Pro Shop - that's because we autograph everything that we ship. And, we've got GREAT deals that you won't find anywhere else - in the world! So stop by the Duct Tape Pro Shop and see what's in store for you! Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

Well, that’s it for now. Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06, 3/06, 4/06, 5/06, 6/06, 7/06, 8/06, 9/06,10/06,11/06, 12/06, 1/07, 2/07, 3/07. 4/07, 5/07, 6/07. 7/07, 8-9/07, 10-11/07, 12/07, 01/08,