The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
TOP TEN DUCT TAPE USES FOR GOLFERS

10. Forgot your golf shoes? Wrap any pair of shoes entirely in duct tape, sticky side out, for the ultimate pair of soft spikes.

9. Eliminate the stress of reading difficult slippery greens. Simply make a duct tape trough from your ball to the hole for an automatic one-putt.

8. Tired of constantly topping the ball? With duct tape you'll never look up again. Just slap a hunk of wadded up duct tape, sticky side out, under your chin and then tilt your head down so your chin and neck are fused... you'll never look up again!

7. Sunscreen is widely used by golfers, but it always leaves hands oily and slippery, making for dangerous club slippage. Duct tape is 100% UV protection on a roll! Just duct tape over all exposed skin... you're safe for the entire day (and so are your partners).

6. Many golfers suffer from the yips at one time or another over those nasty four footers... NOT ANY MORE! Just duct tape the putter right to your forearm... you're yip-free!

5. Regripping clubs is a thing of the past with duct tape. It's sure-grip on a roll! Note: wrap club grips sticky-side-out and never throw a club again!

4. Have your greens experienced unsightly winter kill over the off-season? Duck Brand duct
tape is now available in green! Also makes great divot repairs.

3. Can't afford those fancy PRO V1 golf balls? Any ball wrapped in duct tape, sticky side out, will have that balata-like bite. Note: Distance may be decreased......or nonexistent.

2. Don't throw away that closet full of out dated plaid golf clothes. A layer of duct tape over your plaid pants and you'll be in vogue in minutes! Duct tape is fashion designer on a roll! Bonus hint: Forgot your umbrella or rain suit? Duct tape turns any apparel into rain gear. Play on!

1. Can't correct your hook or slice? Put a strip of duct tape on the face of your club to see exactly where you are striking the ball.

What the heck, let's make it eleven hints: (This one is from Tim who says that “golf is the only game that I can consistently score really high in!” He finally discloses how he managed to get 26 holes in one in one season.)
Hole-In-One Magic: Get a hole in one every time! Wrap your club face and ball in duct tape sticky-side-out. When you hit the ball it will fasten onto your club. As you pretend to watch your ball sail right to the green, secretly remove the ball from the club face and pocket the ball until you reach the hole where you reach into the cup and produce the ball. Note: This trick is best implemented in the second round and after a few visits from the Beer Lady.
Real Life Flight Announcements:
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!

FAMOUS INVENTIONS
The Swedes invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it. Hey, quit your groanin' Jim and I are both Swedish... Think you got a better one?
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
HOT SUMMER DUCT TAPE DEAL Still Happenin' at the Duct Tape Pro Shop!
Buy a video for $10 and get books two and three and a bumpersticker free! Click here for more information, or click here to order right now (charge with shipping is $12). That's $24 of stuff for just $12. Offer expires August 31st, 2002. Hey, Christmas is right around the corner! Stock up now! We'll autograph 'em!
Is the stock market driving you to drink?
No, we aren't advocating drinking (especially if you are underaged)... but we thought this was an interesting thought considering the recent corporate stock fiascos:"

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, of the original $1,000.00 you would have $16.50.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of cold beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.
Based on the above, the current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
Parodyville General Store
Have you visited Tim's (the Duct Tape Guy) Parodyville General Store? It's filled with Parody apparel that pokes fun at those expensive name-brand designer labels. Click to: http://www.parodyville.com. If you're like us (and we know we are), you'll probably enjoy it!
Funny Math:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
QUOTE O’ the ISSUE:
"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."
- Author Unknown

SUMMER SALE: We have lowered the prices on select merchandise at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. For instance - you can now get the Duct Tape Tool Box (featuring our first three books, a Duct Tape Pro Cap, Duct Tape Pro Button and Bumper Sticker AND a roll of Duck® brand X-Treme™ tape all in a bright red toolbox for only $25.00 (that's over $35 of merchandise). Thousands of this same product sold in a national mail order catalog (with one less book, not duct tape, and no pin or bumper sticke)r for $39! Click in today to check out other mid-summer deals including how to get a Duct Tape Book for only 99¢!
You can always get stuff from the Duct Tape Guys FREE. Postcards, bumper stickers, computer monitor desktops, even books! This month we are giving away a FREE heat-transfer to make your own DUCT TAPE PRO polo shirt (or t-shirt) - it's pocket-sized. Check out this and our other FREE STUFF area by clicking on the icon above.
Note: Some of you have sent requests without a self-addressed STAMPED envelope (SASE). Sorry, but these requests are NOT filled by our fulfillment person. So please remember to include a SASE!
Duct Tape Helps "Handicapped" Golfer
I was a 3-hdcp. golfer until arthritis entered the picture. It is pretty severe and my thumbs are partially dislocated at the wrist joint. I suffered a substantial pain in the left thumb on completing the backswing and especially at ball impact or taking a divot. I was going to quit the game but found I could tape my thumb to the palm of my hand leaving just enough room for gripping the club. This has worked for many years. The duct tape is strong, does not stretch and is much cheaper than medical tape which I started with. Can"t play golf without it and managing a 14 hdcp. at age 73. Thanks and best regards. --- John B.

Duct Tape "Pocket Pig" on E-Bay My name is Jason Quiz. A friend had a roll of duct tape sitting around so I started making things with the tape. One thing led to another and I ended up making this pig out of solid duct tape. I call him "Pocket Pig". He sits on my computer and is a hit around the office. Everyone likes him so much i decided to see if there was a market for my duct tape pig around the country. I placed him on E-Bay yesterday and I already have 10 bids on him. Some one actually wants to buy him for $5.50. --- Jason Q. Christiansburg, VA Update: the "Pocket Pig" sold for $6 on E-Bay
Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:
PHOTO OF THE MONTH
(left) Can you identify this substance? Click here to find out what the heck this stuff is and what it has to do with duct tape in a short film by Laura Bliss Spaan.

Speaking of photos… Our new photo caption contest photo is waiting for your creative caption. Click here to try your luck and skill at writing a caption for this month's photo (deadline is Sunday, September 1st).

RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue is/was: ZAGOWSKI@.... Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Catch us in action in your area! Check out our appearance calendar!

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02. 7/02