Shane O. recently read this in an airline brochure and called it to our attention: …Additionally, certain items cannot be carried onboard the aircraft and will not be allowed beyond security checkpoints. These items include knives/cutting instruments, all "non-safety" type razor blades, corkscrews, baseball bats, golf clubs, ski poles and hockey sticks. Which kind of struck us funny (for some reason).
But, we decided that they we're nearly thorough enough… Additionally, you may not bring aboard toothpicks, paint brushes that have hardened lacquer type paint on them, batteries that are leaking acid, beer bottles, glass picture frames, pencils and or pens, pointed 1950-style bras, assault riffles, magic wands, air compressors, high-pressure truck washing systems, denture adhesive, super glue, duct tape, hand or electric egg beaters, hat pins, baseball caps with metal adjustable clasps, jack hammers, or toe nail clippers. Floppy disks, tie-tacks, screw drivers, car keys, metal dental work (e.g. braces, gold fillings), belts of any kind, yo-yo's, slinkys, kite string, g-string, nasal spray, liquid drano, hydrochloric acid (both diluted and undiluted), diamond rings, toe-rings, nose-rings, ringworm, ant farms, any biological weaponry, Barbie dolls (including Ken), poisonous snakes, bees, plutoniom, radioactive substances, nuclear or non-nuclear bombs, head bands, waist bands, marching bands, ankle bracelets, finger-nail polish remover, rubbing alcohol, Q-Tips (extra cotton padding Q-Tips are okay), machetes, matches, lighters, gasoline, fireworks (including but not limited to M-80s, sparklers, whistlers, bobcats, Roman candles (especially Roman candles) flamethrowers... pretty much anything with the word "fire" in it), any weapons that can be categorized under "mass destruction," laser guns, photon beams, ray-guns, gamma blasters, solar powered windmeels, can openers, sleeping gas, laughing gas, jet fuel, garbage bags, zip-lock bags, pre-1985 Tupperware, flatware, dinnerware, underwear (not being worn on person), any member of the African blood-sucking mambas (applies only to international flights), tarantulas, bats, racoons, mountain lions, and/or grizzly bears. If you do need these items, please plan to check them with your luggage.
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
365 Days of Duct Tape Calendar Fixes 
