"Some men are born with mediocrity, some men achieve mediocrity and some men have medioctiry thrust upon them." - Joseph Heller in his book, Catch 22

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Tsunami! It's hard to imagine the loss and destruction that the tsunmai has caused - especially sitting in our comfortably warm homes hearing and reading news reports about the tragic event. It's even harder to imagine, in light of this natural disaster, that the Bush administration will be spending over $40 MILLION on their gala inaugural event that will last only a few hours. What's wrong with cookies and punch at the White House? The administration's embarrassingly low initial offering of aid of $15 million was quickly upped to $35 million after the world rebuked the gesture. Now, after further criticism, U.S. aid has risen to $350 million. Still a paltry amount if you consider that we have spent over $150 MILLION EACH DAY to fund Bush's war on Iraq (add it up - that's over 150 billion in the last 21 months). Also consider that we spend $225 MILLION on one F-22 Raptor fighter jet...

This is a good opportunity to shift gears as a nation. Let's quit being the bully on the block and start becoming (as one of Tim's wife's ninth grade students so wisely put it) the "Mother Country" - showing attributes of a mother (caring and nurturing) to those in need around the world.

Click here to access serveral links which will allow your family to personally donate to the Tsunami relief efforts. For our part, The Duct Tape Guys will be donating 10% of all net profits from sales at the Duct Tape Pro Shop to help those in need.

Trivia: Since 1960, Los Angeles has had 11,000 unsolved murders. Unfortunately, duct tape probably had something to do with some of the murders. Take a look at the darker side of duct tape on our Duct Tape Gone Wrong page.

Dale's Discoveries: (This is a new monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale discovers.)
I was going thru some of the stuff that was in the glove compartment of our new van and I came across a "Lemon Law" booklet. Inside was this
notice (edited to highlight the relevant passage):
If you have not received this booklet... please ask your dealer for one or contact: (it gives the address of where to send for one).

Are you on our Emailing List? Subscribe Now! Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).

January 2005 - The New Year Issue

Even God fixes stuff with duct tape. Jim and I were able to get this exclusive photograph of God's pick-up truck (which He/She modified to Bio-Diesel a few years back). We were amused not only by His/Her bumper stickers, but also by the use of duct tape in holding the tail light on.

If you can't read the stickers, they say:
How's my driving? Don't call. I already know.
My son was student of the month at Nazareth High School
My other car is a donkey.
I'd rather be creating.
United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners Local #1
Like the Fjords? I did that.
and of course... WALL DRUG
(a tip of the hat to Dale Peterson for the writing)

We also ran across this photo (below) of the original Sistine Chapel ceiling painting (available as a print and a t-shirt at the Duct Tape Pro Shop). the original painting showed God handing a roll of duct tape to Adam.

Apologies For those of you who were offended by either or both of the items above, we apologize. We figure, being created in God's image, He/She must have a sense of humor. Besides that, just looking at Jim, you've got to figure that someone with a sense of humor was involved in his creation. We further apologize for the gender-inclusive pronouns that we used when talking about God - whom we figure is genderless.

The Duct Tape Guys' Urinal Collection Okay, we just realized, that if this issue is going to offend someone, we might as well go all out and offer something to offend everyone.:

We've just launched our ultimate duct taped urinal collection for your amusement. We've also extend our invitation for you to send in shots of urinals that you've found sporting duct tape in some fashion. Presumably, this is an activity in which only guys will be able to partake... But hey, gals, it may present the excuse you need to discover the gruesome world that is the men's room.

Click here to visit our new section and to get photo submission information.

Secret Super Saver Coming soon: 01/18/05 - 02/03/05 are the dates of our next sale at the Duct Tape Pro Shop. The sale is $5 off $50 purchase of our Apparel and Stuff items (doesn't include books or videos - they're already dirt cheap). on the 18th, insert the coupon code: VDAY50 when you order shirts, mugs, license plate frames, etc. at the Pro Shop. Click here.

Book Deal of the Month
Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop and pick up our second and third books (autographed of course) with our video, and a bumper sticker - a deal is worth over $28 for just $15!

Practical Joke du Jour (du Month)
Duct tape the end of a strand of fishing line or fine thread to the bottom of a dining partner's water glass (Duck® brand's clear duct tape is recommended). When they lift the glass to take a sip, pull quickly on the thread and they'll get a dousing of water. Thanks to: Alix B. Want more joke ideas? Click to Tim's PracticalJokeBook.com

Frame of Fame Hey Duct Tape Guys - I bragged to everyone about the fact that my question was a Hump Day Stump Day entry in your 2004 desk calendar. As a result, I got a terrific Christmas present from my friend Cindy. As you can see, it was a roll of Duct Tape, a 2005 Duct Tape desk calendar, and a framed copy of my question. Note the fact that the frame is trimmed with Duct Tape accents. Ah, the joys of Duct Tape. - Lloyd B. Rumble

... And Another Frame Job
I just opened my 2005 Duct Tape calendar, and saw your email address. Here's a use I've not previously seen:   my favorite daughter framed for me a photo of my favorite grand-daughter ...  and matted the picture frame with duct tape. Very appropriate! - Karl L., Rome, NY.

Duct Tape Dress Form My wife sews. She had a hard time finding a form that she could work on for herself. I put her in a long tee shirt and wraped her up from neck line to knees. We used three roles of duct tape and after I was done we cut her out taped up the form,stuffed with cotton batting and pu on a stand set at her hieght. It worked sos well that one day a delivery man seeing the form in the window thought that my wife was home. She was not. It works great we used the form for three years. you have to be carefull when wraping a person. If you make it to tight they can't get their wind. and their legs will turn blue. - Dale E. B.

Blue Jay on a Roll Last minute Christmas present for my mommy. It turned out very well I think. - Paula, Vista, CA

Raccoon-Proofing I used duct tape over the holidays.  I had an incident with a raccoon which invaded the attic to my house.  I found out that it had ripped my dome cover off my power vent on the roof.  Unfortunately, we were due for over 12 inches of snow.  I had a sizable opening on the top of my house.  So, being inventive since I can’t seem to find a replacement, I used a trash can lid to cover the opening.  I used duct tape to secure it to the existing brackets on the power vent.  It is a sight for sore eyes. - Cheryl Anderson

Shirt of the Month:
No Gut (no duct tape) No Glory. The perfect shirt for the portly duct tape user who is proud not only of their use of duct tape, but their massive Duct Tape Guy Gut! Available as t-shirts (men's and women's), baseball jerseys and sweats (regular or hooded). Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop's apparel store. These make GREAT GIFTS!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to tim@ducttapeguys.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

Words of Wisdumb

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the heck alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
or
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats for the rest of his life.

Fire corollary:
Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day, set him on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our bar bottoms... then things get worse.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04,