The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!

Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last!

Are you on our Emailing List? Subscribe Now! (We have totally scrapped our old list, and are now using a new, steamlined list that will allow you to subscribe and unsubscribe more easily.) You'll get our monthly newsletter (what you're reading now) and occasional special deals made available to our subscribers only. Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you).

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our new cool apparel and merchandise (stuff) section, too! We those cool lunch boxes shown on the left!

Quote of the month:
"You know the world is nuts when the best rapper is white, the tallest basketball player is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and Germany doesn't want to go to war." - Charles Barkley (who Jim and Tim just ran into at lunch in St. Louis following the Boston World Series win)

Thanks to Liggett • Stashower Public Relations for some of our quotes and trivia.

Soapbox: 13,400 people died from the effects of tobacco today. (reported by a United Nations Health Agency). Time to snuff out the butt, nab a good smoking ceasation program, and get tough with the government for kowtowing to the tobacco industry. Get more information to help yourself and your family and friends at lungsusa.org

Trivia: By the Gallon: The cost of a gallon of gasoliine may seem high (although cheap in the U.S. by comparison - it's over $6.00 per gallon in the UK) - but check out the price of these other products if purchased by the gallon: OPI nail polish $1,766. chanel No. 5 $3,839. Rogaine $850. Botox? $1.36 million per gallon! It would be a lot cheaper injecting gasoline into your face to remove wrinkles (however, you probably wouldn't be around to see the results...).

Deal of the Month
Visit the Duct Tape Pro Shop and pick up any one of our Baseball Jersey shirts - they make great light winter wear and are all sale priced this month only.

November 2004 Post Election Trauma issue

Okay, so we weren't all happy with the election results.
Glad to know that 51% of you were. But if you're like us (and we know we are), you woke up in a fetal position clinging on tightly to your roll of duct tape... Enough of that, let's get on to the extremely important business of humor and duct tape.

Halloween Costume on a Roll! We've gotten quite a few submissions of duct tape halloween costumes from our site visitors. Click to our costume area to see the wonderful duct tape creativity that was rampant this Halloween.

Halloween Question Speaking of Halloween costumes, Mandy sent us this question: I'm making my duct tape costume for halloween and it smells TERRIBLE!!! any suggestions on getting rid of the smell? - Mandy

Don't worry - it will smell a lot worse after you wear it all evening. Just put a strip of duct tape under your nose (and be kind enough to provide one for other guests at the party, too). - The Duct Tape Guys

Do YOU have a question for the Duct Tape Guys? Check first in Duct Tape 101 for basic answers, or Stump the Duct Tape Guys. Chances are pretty good that we have answered your question already. If you still can find it, email it to us and we'll put on our thinking caps.

The Mystery Photo Remember us asking for positive identification of this photo? Well, it turns out, it was a hoax. Jon Anderson sent us this information:
"I couldn't let this pass without dropping you a note. I am a recovering photoshopaholic, and used to spend many hours a day doctoring photos and entering them on various photoshop contest websites. I even was a moderator at one of the largest photoshop sites for awhile, and in the course of that hobby I had the opportunity to see some very clever and well done photo manipulations. Your mystery photo is one of them. Now I can't remember which site it was, but I am positive that it was either photoshopcontest.com or worth1000.com (where I was a moderator). This would have been two or three years ago when I saw it, thus the confusion. In any case, I can vouch for it as a fake. That is probably why you can not find a verifiable source for it as well." Thanks for clearing that up, John!

New store, new stuff! Have you visited the Duct Tape Pro Shop lately? We partnered with CafePress to give you more apparel options, more products (like flying discs, mugs, license plate frames, and a ton of other stuff), all emblazoned with our trademarked Duct Tape Pro logo and duct tape phrases. Here are just a few of the items that you will find at the new Duct Tape Pro Shop (just in time for holiday gifting).

Don't forget our books! If you don't have all six duct tape books, our WD-40 book and our video, you're missing an essential part of your library! We just signed the contract for BOOK SEVEN in our trilogy! So, catch up on your reading before our next tome comes out. Check the Pro Shop for our books - some of which are specially priced right now! Book seven will be, "Stump the Duct Tape Guys" - more information on that book in the coming months.

Have you visited our Duct Tape Art Gallery? We're always getting new submissions from Duct Tape artists around the world. Check out the gallery to see what you can do with duct tape. Feeling creative yourself? We recommend Duck® brand tape for the most colors (currently 19 - including camouflage) and the best quality. When you get done with your creation, send it in to us, we'll add it to our gallery.


Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Duct Tape Gets Ya Home! 15 years ago, while we were on our way home from Knobbles Grove (an Amusement Resort in Pa.). It was raining so hard that I needed to pull off the road, because my windshield wipers stopped working and I couldn't see. I pulled into a convenience store's lot and was thinking, "How am I gonna' get my wife, my four kids and myself home in this?" Me being a true "Duct Tape Man", I soulved the problem in no-time flat. I found a broken broom handle lying in the store's dumpster, that I ducttaped to the passenger side windshield wiper. To the other end, I fashioned a duct tape looped handle, that I had my oldest son hang onto while holding his right arm out the window. (He was about 14 years old then and didn't know the principles of Thermal Dynamics, which I quickly instructed him in). Hold onto the handle and move your right arm back and forth across the
windshield, so I can see to drive this heap home. We got home safely, with one real wet right arm. - Glenn A. W., Marietta, PA

Wasp Away Recently I used duct tape to seal up my living room ceiling fan to prevent wasps from coming through. It isn't pretty, but it works well enough. One of my friends is a fan of yours and thought this was an amusing new use of duct tape. I didn't do it to be amusing; I did it to keep the wasps out! - Mary Elizabeth R., Weyauwega, Wisconsin Whatcha mean it isn't pretty?! We think it's even more attractive, now!

Favorite Slippers Saved I have found one recently. I have a pair of slippers that I wear all the time to hang wash outside. They were worn so much that the bottom had holes, plus they become very slippery. What better way to hold them together and also provide a non-slippery surface.

I asked my husband to wrap duct tape around the bottoms. They look like a pitiful sight and my family teases me to invest in another pair of slippers, but a couple strips of duct tape served the purpose. - Kelly Nixdorf

Duct Tape Equestrian At a horse show in Oklahoma City last December at the National Reining Horse Association (NRHA) my daughter's costume of a knight on a horse utilized lots of duct tape. The bulk of the costume was made with duct tape, aluminum foil and clear packaging tape. This includes the costume on the horse. The lance was pvc pipe with duct tape wrapped on the outside. This was a big hit with the audience. - Marge E., Seattle, WA

Shirt of the Month:
It's been around since 1942 - celebrate Duct Tape with this commemorative shirt on a classic baseball jersey. Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop they are ON SALE THIS MONTH! QUICK NAB SOME FOR CHRISTMAS GIFTS!
Be Creative!
Want to be more creative? Stuck in a rut at your job? Need to lube your brain? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!
Your caption?

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

IDIOTS! (By the way, if you haven't seen it, check out Napoleon Dynamite!)
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during
a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the >trigger again. This time it worked.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found >that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three
days.

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.
Perhaps YOU work for this company...

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of contract.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days each year. They are called "Saturday" and "Sunday".
VACATION DAYS
All employees will take their vacations at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1st, May 30th, July 4th and December 25th.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
Bereavement leave is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be nade to have non-employees attend the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH.
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00am to 8:20; employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40 ; and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employee's
supervisor must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict, 3 minute time limit inside the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
LUNCH BREAK
a) Skinny People: Skinny people get 1 hour for lunch, as they need to eat more so they can look healthy.
b)Middleweight People: Middleweight people get 30 minutes for lunch, so they can get a balanced meal to maintain their average figures.
c) Fat People: Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time they need to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing a pair of $350.00 Prada running shoes & carrying a $600.00 Gucci bag, we will assume that you are doing well financially & therefore do not need a raise.
THANK YOU.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week. - the Management
Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons.
Duct tape truly is a thing of beauty. We see it wherever we travel. These windows in Grand Marais, Minnesota and a Subway door on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, have both been enhanced in beauty with duct tape.
RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Maureen Sanger - Congratulations! Email us your postal mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).