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May 2004 Edition

Tim, the Duct Tape Guy releases new book!
Hey, Tim here. I just published another book (on my own this time - Jim was busy trying to improve his golf game...). Rather than me telling you about it in my own words, I'll just let you read what the publisher says about it:

Mischief Meets Revenge in The Practical Joker's Handbook
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter" -Mark Twain

Looking to add some much-needed mischief and laughter into your mundane daily routine? Just wait until you get your hands on this new collection that serves as a how-to guide on annoying, tricking, and pulling the wool over the eyes of your unsuspecting victims. Made easily accessible by the man who rose to fame as one of the phenomenally popular "Duct Tape Guys," The Practical Joker's Handbook (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $12.95, May 2004), collected by Tim Nyberg, best-selling author and long-time practical joker, contains hundreds of tried and true methods to confound, confuse, and subsequently entertain your family, friends, coworkers, and yes, total strangers.

Tim has packed 176 pages with several hundred practical jokes in the hopes that people will learn to have more fun-and be able to laugh at their family and friends in the process. With the help of his web site (www.practicaljokebook.com), Nyberg spent six years collecting prank ideas from around the world. In chapters such as "Home Grown Humor," "Cookin' Up a Batch of Mischief," and "Phone Phunnies," The Practical Joker's Handbook provides numerous recipes for laughter, teaching readers how to:
* Jury-rig a toilet tank
* Temporarily hog-tie a coworker's computer mouse
* Create Hollywood-movie-style fake feces and vomit
* Make the car horn beep every time someone uses the brakes

Featuring some of the best and funniest practical jokes and hoaxes gathered from around the globe, The Practical Joker's Handbook is a one-of-a-kind collection that reminds everyone not to take life too seriously. This devious little handbook offers a hilarious collection of tips and tactics for bringing humor to your home, office, school, car-even your favorite dining establishment.

P.S. Yes, some of the practical jokes utilize duct tape.

Click here to order the book online or ask for it at your favorite bookstore!

FINAL REMINDER: The 2004 Stuck at Prom Contest: Are you and your prom date entering the 2004 "Stuck at Prom" contest? Duck brand has announced dates and some changes for the 2004 contest. If you need some inspiration, you can check out our collection of some of our favorite entries from the past three years on our Prom Fashion pages. Below are the highlights of this year's contest:

New Dates
* Contest begins Monday, March 1, 2004
* Contest ends Friday, June 11, 2004
* Online voting happens from Friday, June 18 – Sunday, June 27, 2004
* Judging will happen on Tuesday, June 29, 2004
* Winners will be notified on Wednesday, June 30, 2004
* Winners will be announced Wednesday, July 7, 2004

They’ve added categories for all entries:
* Traditional Prom Attire
* Theme/Costume Attire
* Just Plain Silver Attire

There’s a new “Top of the Tape” Award
This award will go to the top vote getting couple in each of the three categories mentioned above, based only on online voting results – kind of like a People’s Choice award. Members of each winning couple for this award will receive $500 each.
For complete entry information, click here.

Need a creative costume idea? Check out our sixth book, The Duct Tape Halloween Book. Buy it online at the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get a copy of the Ultimate Duct Tape Book absolutely FREE!

When you're at the Pro Shop, make sure you check out our cool apparel, too.

SECRET SAVINGS LINK For our newsletter readers only: Click the little white radio on the main page of the Duct Tape Pro Shop and get our $12 video for only $4.50! Hurry! These wacky and bizarre 30 minute video tapes are almost GONE and will not be available again!

The trouble with the world is... ...That the stupid are cocksure, and the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

Try this: With your right foot, make clockwise circles. Simultaneously, draw the figure 6 in the air with your right hand.

Your foot, instead of going clockwise, will begin going counterclockwise. No one can figure out why.

If you can do this successfully without your foot changing direction, give yourself a pat on the back (while rubbing your head in a clockwise motion) - you're not normal!

Soapbox: While we're usually all about duct tape and humor, there's a serious side to us, too. We want to challenge our readers to become socially aware and active. This month: What does it mean to be poor in America? Click here to watch a short multimedia presentation that puts the abstract numbers into perspective.

Duct Tape Rope Here is picture is of a piece of rope that I made out of duct tape. I was working at a Boy Scout summer camp. One of the things we teach the scouts how to do is make rope. One day it occured to me to make rope out of duct tape. This 1' long piece of rope used 3' of tape to make. - Greg, Ridgecrest, CA

Mattress Patch A few months ago, we were having a lot of company at our place, so we had to pull out the old reliable Coleman air mattress (queen size). I pumped it up and found I had a couple of leaks. I used the patch kit that came with the mattress, and they wouldn't hold......tried three times. So, I broke out the good stuff.....duct tape. One small strip on each hole, and voila! it's still holding. We've used the mattress several times since, and no problem. - Dave R.

A strap to watch! Yes, I realize that there is already a duct tape watch out there, somewhere, on the internet.  My duct tape watch is special becasue not only are my photos grainy, blurry, & all around crappy, but the watch was originally mae with expensive leather and gold. Well, the leather got wet and stretched out so instead of buying a new $100 watch (I bought it on e-bay for $8) I simple constructed new watch bands out of our favorite silver material. - Dominique C., Morenci, Michigan

Beer Carrier on a Roll I had a 24-pack of Bud that I drank a few out of. Now I had 20 cans in a case that was open at 1 end and needed an easy way to carry it over to my buddy's place. So, I pulled out my duct tape and made myself a convienient handle. I'm sure it's not the funniest use you guys have been emailed, but who can't relate to this?! - Jarod

Shirt of the Month:
Perfect for Mother's Day (May 9th)
"Duct Tape: Mother's Little Helper" - Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop for this and other shirt designs that are perfect for your duct tape lovin' mom (wife, aunt, grandma, sister, etc.). Remember, duct tape is gender neutral!

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But, in all fairness to George W. Bush (who never fails to delight and amuse when asked to think on his feet), There are a lot of notable people who quickly reveal some faulty brain connections when opening their mouths. Here are a few examples:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," - Miss Alabama in the 1994, Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
just the one to do it," - A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" - George H.W. Bush

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" - Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." - Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." - Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04,