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 The “BADGE of HONOR” If you have sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
TidBits: About 46 people are executed in China every week. In Russian, about 2,000 soldiers are killed or severely wounded each year in the army's initiation hazing. So, when are we invading China and Russian to put an end to these practices? In 1992, the median age of a Harley-Davidson buyer was 38 and the median income was $53,700. Last year, it was 46 and $78,300. Pretty soon, only those with AARP cards and benefitting from Republican tax cuts will be riding Harleys. Submissions Please If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again! 
Click to our Duct Tape Pro Shop apparel page for more information. Remember that you get a free flatpack of Duck® tape with your order while supplies last! |
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Here's the September Newsletter!
8. Book covers: Cover your books in paper, then cover the paper with duct tape. Don't tape right onto the book (school administrators are not real duct tape friendly, and will probably fine you for duct tape stickem all over your returned books). 7. Lunch money clip: Duct tape your kid's lunch money to the back of their leg so they don't loose it or have it stolen by the school bully. 6. Note from home security: Tape those notes from home onto your kid's forehead so they don't forget to give them to the teacher. 5. Reusable lunch bag: Don't waste your money purchasing a nylon reusable lunch bag... simply duct tape over a paper lunch bag - your kid will be the envy of the classroom, and this bag will last them right through to college! 4. Sandwich safety belt. Avoid the stain and embarrassment of sandwich spills. Duct tape around the sandwich holds the fillings in place. You just eat down to the duct tape - then squeeze the contents out. 3. Book straps: Some schools are forbidding backpacks because of security issues. The Duct Tape Guys suggest making a book strap out of duct tape (like grandpa and grandma used as kids). To avoid books from spilling out of the strap, duct tape the spines of the books to the strap. 2. Duct tape fashion: Save HUGE bucks... instead of purchasing expensive brand name clothing, cover your last year's outfits entirely in duct tape. Go with silver for the heavy metal look, black for a mysterious/artsy look, or try one of Duck® brand duct tape’s NEW Xtreme Tape® - it's duct tape in dayglo colors: hot pink, lime green, citron yellow, and blaze orange. The same colors that are so trendy with the Xtreme Sports participants. 1. Make a knowledge magnet. Duct tape around your head sticky-side-out, and every word that your teachers say will stick to the tape and soak into your brain. (This has not been fully tested, it's just a theory at this point).
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Book SIX is in the stores September 15th! The "
9. Contruct your own backpack! Cover a grocery bag entirely in Duct Tape, then duct tape the bag onto your kid's back (over clothing to avoid back skin and neck hair loss).
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| Our sponsor this issue: | ||||
| Humor and a political statement rolled into one. Click to RelectGore.com | ||||
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Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories. Just like these people did:
Lenscap Retainer If your camera keeps losing it's lens cap, make a little duct tape retainer strap. Works great and costs nothing but a little time. - Jana N. Reaching another direction: I recently hurt my back and am wearing a brace so I can't bend over to pick up something on the floor. This was driving me crazy. I finally came up with what I thought was a great idea. i have one of those Swifters that pick up dost and I go it out and wrapped it with duct tape, sticky-side out around the pad area. then I was able to go around and pick up whatever fell on the floor with ease. - Marion What NOT to do with Duct Tape This story was printed in the Omaha World Herald. A local furniture rental firm in Omaha had been unsuccessful in contacting a customer in Lincoln, NE who was delinquent in making their rental payment. After several telephone calls and visits to the person's house, the rental firm sent three of its employees to the home in Lincoln to either collect the money or bring back the furniture. The story continued to say that the three men were arrested for duct taping the family inside of their own house! The men duct taped all the doors and windows shut and told the\ family they would be released only when they paid their bill or handed over the merchandise. If only they had cut the phone lines... - reported by Tony G., Belleair Beach, FL Tire Repair Four friends and I went on a hunting trip. Before daylight, I ran over someone's hunting stand in the road and blew out my tire. We put on the spare and went hunting. That evening, we moved to a new spot and heard some air leaking. There was a stick in spare tire we had just put on. We were fifty miles from town and no new tires. We looked in our tool boxes to see what we could fix the leak with. I found a roll of duct tape. My friends laughed and said, "You can't fix a tire with duct tape!" Then I started thinking... I rolled up a little plug out of a strip of duct tape about ten inches long (sticky-side out). I jammed the plug into the hole with a screwdriver and melted the tape with a lighter and used the screwdriver to spread the molten tape around the outside of the hole. Using a 12 volt air compressor, we aired up the tire and it held all night and fifty miles back to town. The guys at the repair shop were totally impressed with our duct tape repair job! --- Jacob C. |
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 Pondering by George Carlin1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Click here to see Tim's latest Duct Tape Pros cartoons. Back to School Special |
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| Heavy Metal Guitar Redeaux If your guitar is looking bad because of road wear, or if you've grown tired of the color, grab a roll of duct tape like Andrew from Georgia did. Cover your ax with a new surface that's not only resilient to scratches and dings, but also makes a statement.
Like coming up with captions for photos? Visit our Photo Caption Contest - a new photo every month (with the new newsletter). You can win fabulous prizes and have fun at the same time! Click here. |
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| Still time to enjoy the dog days of summer! Make yourself one of these stylish swamp cruisers with some water skis, a folding chair, an electric fan (with a really long extension cord) and duct tape. Warning (for those idiots who might actually try this): Water and electricity don't mix. You WILL get electrocuted! | |||
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RANDOM WINNER: The random winner of a duct tape book in this issue: Fred Krabach. Congratulations! Send us your mailing address and we will send you an autographed Duct Tape Book.
Well, that’s it for this issue of “Duct Tape on a Roll” Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/onaroll so they can SUBSCRIBE. If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click here: REMOVE May the Tape be with you! Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 |
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Tim (left), Jim (other left).
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