Quotes of the Month:
"One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only two pair and a jack." - Mark Twain

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about issues that he feels are of importance.
It has challenging stuff to think about during your duct taping projects. If you want a dose of stuff to think about click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on! Here is a brief intro to what's in this month's SOAPBOX:

FEAR FACTOR
The Bush administration has gone out of their way to create and elevate the fear level in Americans. At one point even recommending plastic sheeting and duct tape to create an air-tight room in the event of a chemical and biological warfare attack. While we appreciate the plug for duct tape (sales went through the roof), we don't appreciate our government crying wolf. read on...

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Wear your favorite tool
Gain the respect of guys everywhere by shouting out your allegiance to the most popular (low tech) power tool in the world: Duct Tape. Our Duct Tape Apparel has the shirt, cap, shorts, etc. for you. Visit The Duct Tape Pro Shop today and get some serious shopping done! The Pro Shop is the only place in the universe to get Genuine Duct Tape Guys Originals. There are many rip-offs available - some at major department stores, but they're illegal copyright infringements. Please don't buy them. Anything that you see on our site are our original designs and sloggans. Thanks for your patronage! - The Duct Tape Guys

And the winners are...
Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys have won the "Stuck at Prom" prom gown and tux contest for 2007! (April fools.)

Hey, Jim, it's not April, it's August.
Oh, sorry Tim. August fools!

Actually, the real winners were High school students Adrienne Beiler, Salisbury, Pa., and Zac Cupler, Grantsville, Md.. Beiler, 15, and Cupler, 18, were named the winners of the seventh annual Duck® brand duct tape Stuck at Prom® Scholarship Contest, and each received a $3,000 scholarship. Salisbury-Elk Lick High School, Salisbury, Pa., was also awarded $3,000 for hosting the prom.

The duct tape duo beat out more than 180 couples from 43 states and three Canadian provinces with their sticky creations to win the first place title. Beiler was convinced to participate in the contest by her home economics teachers, who suggested Beiler could use her love of sewing to fashion the ensembles. “We worked on the dress and tuxedo for about a year and used around 40 rolls of duct tape,” said Beiler. “We came up with a design we thought would be pretty off-the-wall and just ran with it.”

The couple used brown, pink, orange, green and yellow duct tape to create the flowery Southern belle dress and traditional suit. Weighing in at 25 pounds, Beiler’s three-piece dress included a hoop skirt with multiple layers of colored duct tape and textured flowers. Cupler’s brown suit and hot pink shirt complemented his date’s ensemble. Both were accessorized to complete the look of the outfits – Cupler sported a hat and cane, while Beiler carried a duct taped parasol and handbag.

The second place couple, Ellen Jarl and Jake Loviska, Kalamazoo, MI, each received a $2,000 scholarship and $2,000 for their high school, Hackett Catholic Central High School. Third place couple Zoe Watson of Durham, NC., and Gregory Tunstall of Bahama, NC, each won a $1,000 scholarship and $1,000 for their high school, Durham School of the Arts.

A panel of judges (including Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys) narrowed the contestants down to 10 finalist couples. Entries were judged on a number of criteria, including workmanship, originality, use of colors, accessories and quantity of duct tape used. The public then voted for their favorite ensembles during a two-week online voting period, with each finalist couple promoting themselves, using everything from flyers to parades to the Web, to earn votes. Approximately 51,000 votes were submitted for all finalists, determining Beiler and Cupler as the winning couple.
“This year’s contest was different in that we left it up to the public to decide who won, which made the contest that much more fun and surprising,” said Michelle Heffner, digital communications manager for Henkel Corporation. “All of the outfits this year were amazing and the couples came up with some truly unique ways to earn votes. It was a close race and exciting to see who was in the lead every day.”
To view all of the 2007 Duck® brand duct tape Stuck at Prom® Scholarship Contest entries, as well as rules and other information, visit www.stuckatprom.com.

Duct Tape Saves the Day Here's another contest that we know our readers will excel at: "Duct Tape Saves the Day" sponsored by Duck brand Duct Tape. Here's let's let them tell you about it:

AVON, Ohio (May1, 2007) – Is the roll of Duck® brand duct tape in your garage worth $5,000? It just might be. No, there’s no golden ticket or special code to see if your roll is worth riches. If Duck® brand duct tape has saved your day, and you’re willing to share your story, then you are well on your way to competing for a $5,000 grand prize in the Duck® brand Duct Tape Saves the Day Promotion.
The only thing people love more than duct tape is telling their duct tape stories.
Starting May 1, 2007, potential entrants will be able to submit their story of how duct tape came to the rescue in their lives. The Duck® brand Duct Tape Saves the Day Promotion challenges participants to share their stories of how America’s favorite fix-all – duct tape – came to the rescue and saved their day.
For years, the Duck brand has listened to consumers’ stories about how they have used Duck® brand duct tape to fix or save something, including themselves. Perfect for quick fixes and clever remedies, Duck® brand duct tape can be an essential tool for everyone from DIYers and sportsmen to travelers and crafters. Duck® brand duct tape is water-resistant, available in 20 different colors and patterns, including fluorescent orange, aqua and camouflage, and can be used in a variety of ways throughout the preparation and duration of any excursion, fashion crisis or household repair.

“I’ve heard all sorts of stories of how people have been saved by having a roll of Duck® brand duct tape on hand,” said Kim White, manager of Market Research and Consumer Relations for Henkel Corporation. “I’ve heard tales from family outings, outdoor adventures, travel mishaps, and many others. Based on these testimonials, there is no doubt in my mind that the winner’s story will be absolutely amazing.”
Potential entrants in the Duck® brand Duct Tape Saves the Day Promotion are required to submit their story to the company by December 31, 2007. All entries will be posted online at www.ducktapesavestheday.com and the winners will be announced on or around January 15, 2008. The first place winner will be awarded $5,000, as well as a year’s supply of Duck® brand duct tape.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) Visit Dale's TallToysTroupe site

Well, most people who spent the last few weeks packing their belongings into a truck and driving them across the country would take a vacation from their column, but not me. I managed to make a few observations during that process and couldn't resist passing them along.

On the inside of the door in the family bathroom at the rest areas on the Ohio Turnpike there is a sign that says, "For personal privacy please keep door locked". Now why couldn't someone have told me that in Pennsylvania?

When we stayed in hotels, we noticed that the bathmats and towels were folded like baskets with the washcloths folded like fans sticking out of them. I spent a few minutes reverse engineering that and realized that someone in the main office of that hotel chain had to make a decision to fold all the towels like that. He probably sent out a memo. I wonder if they have a guy who spends his days folding towels trying to come up with the perfect fold. Or maybe there is some freelance guy who designs those and sells them to hotel chains. And if so, where can you get a job like that?

At the continental breakfast they had very nice waffles but instead of Maple syrup, they had something called, "Table Syrup". That seems to me to be the ultimate in recycling. I didn't know you could make syrup out of furniture.

I recently attended a defensive driving class - which gets me ten percent off my auto insurance for the next three years here in New York State - and the instructor noted that thieves in "the big city" no longer steal stereos from cars. Their current target is your airbag, which they sell to disreputable dealers who then charge people anywhere from $750 to $1,500 for a replacement. The thieves, incidentally, can enter and remove the airbag in ninety seconds. -- much easier than getting the stereo out.

Is your airbag there and working? Turn the key in the ignition, but don't start the car. The electronics self-test should show the airbag symbol come on then go off. If it doesn't come on, or stays on, you may not have an airbag. - John BeckerRegards.

Good tip, John. Here's another good tip for you: If you have a pre-airbag car, or if your airbag has been stolen, just duct tape a punchball or beach ball to your steering wheel. - Jim and Tim

The HVAC Technician's Helper
A heating and cooling technician trained a small chimpanzee to help him. The chimp was the perfect assistant. He wasn’t afraid of heights. And because he was small, he could squeeze into ducts to work on them. Best of all, the technician didn’t need to pay him. One day, a customer called because his air conditioning was running and running. But the house didn’t seem to be cooling down. The technician examined the cooling system and found a problem in the ducts. The customer asked if it would be difficult to fix. “Nope,” said the technician. “I have a little duct ape that will fix the problem.”

The Genius of Yogi
(not related to the image on the right)

On May 19, 2007, Yogi Berra accepted an honorary degree from St. Louis University and delivered the commencement speech for 1,900 graduates and 10,000 in attendance at Scottrade Center.

It's hard to imagine a more promising lingual event. Berra is to vocal communication what Don Cherry is to the fashion industry. Yogi doesn't so much command the English language as he corkscrews it. It is part of what makes the baseball Hall of Famer and pride of the Hill one of America's endearing figures.

We were fortunate enough to secure - wink, wink - a copy of the discourse and felt compelled to share it with those who did not attend. So here is, in its entirety, Yogi's dissertation:

"Thank you all for being here tonight. I know this is a busy time of year, and if you weren't here, you could probably be somewhere else. I especially want to thank the administration at St. Louis University for making this day necessary. It is an honor to receive this honorary degree.

"It is wonderful to be here in St. Louis and to visit the old neighborhood. I haven't been back since the last time I was here. Everything looks the same, only different. Of course, things in the past are never as they used to be.

"Before I speak, I have something I'd like to say. As you may know, I never went to college, or high school for that matter. To be honest, I'm not much of a public speaker, so I will try to keep this short as long as I can.

"As I look out upon all of the young people here tonight, there are a number of words of wisdom I might depart. But I think the most irrelevant piece of advice I can pass along is this:

"The most important things in life are the things that are least important.

"I could have gone a number of directions in my life. Growing up on the Hill, I could have opened a restaurant or a bakery. But the more time I spent in places like that, the less time I wanted to spend there. I knew that if I wanted to play baseball, I was going to have to play baseball. My childhood friend, Joe Garagiola, also became a big-league ballpayer, as did my son, Dale. I think you'll find the similarities in our careers are quite different.

"You're probably wondering, how does a kid from the Hill become a New York Yankee and get i n the Hall of Fame? Well, let me tell you something, if it was easy nobody would do it. Nothing is impossible until you make it possible.

"Of course, times were different. To be honest, I was born at an early age. Things are much more confiscated now. It seems like a nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. But let me tell you, if the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

"You'll make some wrong mistakes along the way, but only the wrong survive. Never put off until tomorrow what you can't do today. Denial isn't just a river in Europe.

"Strive for success and remember you won't get what you want unless you want what you get. Some will choose a different path. If they don't want to come along, you can't stop them. Remember, none are so kind as those who will not see.

"Keep the faith and follow the Commandments: Do not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she has nothing else to wear. Treat others before you treat yourself. As Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'The only thing you have to fear is beer itself.'

"Hold on to your integrity, ladies and gentlemen. It's the one thing you really need to have; if you don't have it, that's why you need it. Work hard to reach your goals, and if you can't reach them, use a ladder. There may come a day when you get hurt and have to miss work. Don't worry, it won't hurt to miss work.

"Over the years, I have realized that baseball is really just a menopause for life. We all have limitations, but we also know limitation is the greatest form of flattery. Beauty is in the eyes of Jim Holder.

"Half the lies you hear won't be true, and half the things you say, you won't ever say.

"As parents you'll want to give your children all the things you didn't have. But don't buy them an encyclopedia, make them walk to school like you did. Teach them to have respect for others, especially the police. They are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve it.

"Throughout my career, I found good things always came in pairs of three. There will be times when you are an overwhelming underdog. Give 100 percent to everything you do, and when that's not enough, give everything you have left. 'Winning isn't everything, but it's better than rheumatism.' I think Guy Lombardo said that.

"Finally, dear graduates and friends, cherish this moment; it is a memory you will never forget. You have your entire future ahead of you.

"Good luck and Bob's speed."

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

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