The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Quotes of the month:
Put downs originated by some notables:

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." columnist James Reston about Richard Nixon

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Film director Billy Wilder

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln

"He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

"He is a Dixie cup on the sea of life." Author Tami Hoag

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

Someone else's rant... I couldn't have said it better, so I will let Beth Quinn have the soapbox this month. Click here to read Beth Quinn's take on the situation we find ourselves in.

Trivia: If you are heading off to China, keep this in mind: China has just 16 percent of the world's vehicles, yet it has 44 percent of the world's auto accidents, which claimed the lives of 109.393 people and injured another 418,000. (In the same period, 43,788 Americans died in car crashes). "Here, traffic rules are ignored, drivers change lanes whenever they want, pedestrians cross the streets whether the light is green or not." says a Chinese traffic control spokesman.
Yet, China's thirst for new cars continues to grow at a rate of 20% per year.
Cookin' with Duct Tape:

It's fall and the apples are ripe for pickin'! Wondering what to do with 'em? Try this apple crisp recipe. It's the best I've ever tasted - and I've tasted quite a few... The first thing you need is the right apple - I like Haralsons the best. They are a bit tart and hold up when cooking (they don't turn to mush). Remember if you bring a pan to the church potluck or neighborhood party, mark the bottom of your pan with a strip of duct tape for easy identification. click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page for the recipe

Duct Tape Dad Stories
Keep sending us your duct tape dad stories! Click here to submit your stories. We will post the best at the end of the year.

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Duct Tape Post Cards!
Get a set of five Duct Tape Guy postcards. Send $1 to cover return postage and handling to:
Duct Tape Guy Postcards
732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200
Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235
(remember to include your return address).
You can order for others, too. Just include $1 for each separate address.

October 2005

"Halloween is our favorite time of year... It's the only time when people look at us and don't think that we're dressed funny." - The Duct Tape Guys

From used bubble gun to vending machines, from Sponge Bob to elaborate Alien costumes... Duct Tape IS Halloween Costume on a Roll!
If you are like us, and we know we are, you LOVE being creative, dressing up in a costume, and going to a party (or just getting into a weird costume and going out into public to watch peoples reactions). Thanks to our sixth book, The Original Duct Tape Halloween Book, you won't have to scratch your brain too hard to come up with clever, scary, or hilarious costumes for your parties this month.

Check out the wonderful costumes submitted to our halloween costume pages, and then, page through the preview of our Halloween Book to give you an idea of where we take the tape. Finally, nab a few rolls of duct tape (Duck brand has 19 different colors including clear and camouflage) and pick up a copy of our book at your local bookstore (or take advantage of the CHEAPO OFFER online via the link below). Then, have a blast this Halloween! Might we suggest a duct tape costume making party?

Remember to send us photos of what you come up with. We will add them to our costume gallery!

Grab a DEAL on our Halloween Book!
We nabbed a bunch of our Halloween Books for sale during our fall Halloween Media Tour. Because we purchased so many, we got a great deal. So, we're passing along the savings to you. Pick up our full color Original Duct Tape Halloween Book (autographed of course) - retail $9.95 - for just $5! - yeah, that's nearly half off! - To get this special price you must click the SPECIAL HALLOWEEN DEAL link on the DEALS page.

See our appearance in Duck® brand's Adventures of Rock Tapewright cartoon strip below. Click on the strip to submit your idea for the solution to the problem.

Recession Proofer! Duct tape is great to have around any old time, but certainly during recessions. As we find our country running headlong into economic ruin, best have plenty of duct tape around to patch things together until we get back on our feet again. Businesses obviously rely on duct tape to hold themselves together as well. Here is a photo of a restaurant booth repair we spotted recently. For example, if the Pentagon would fix those toilet seats with duct tape (less than $5 a roll - or less than $150 a roll at inflated government contract pricing), rather than purchasing a new seat for a reported $640 (!) we could put the money saved back into the federal budget and have a balanced budget in no time!
- This has been a public service announcement from The Duct Tape Guys.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

I was looking thru an outdoor outfitter's catalog the other day and I saw a "camouflage crib set". This was a set of crib sheets, bumpers,
dust ruffles, pillowcases, etc that was made from your choice of camouflage material. I don't mean that this just looked like camouflage
material. This was actual, 100% serious, heavy duty, kind you would actually use in the woods, camouflage material. I could not figure out
who their market for this was. Are there serious hunters who have small children and just can't find a baby sitter?

You know when you download something on your computer it has that little task bar that tells you how much longer you have to go and then
the bar fills up and shows you how much of the total you have done? What if other things in life were like that? Wouldn't that make things so much easier?. If you were in the middle of cleaning your garage and someone called and wanted to go bowling you would be able to say "Well, I am 39% finished now. I will be done in one hour and 17 minutes. How about if you pick me up then?". Someone should invent that. That would be cool.

Finally, I'd like to share a helpful hint for those living with pets. Never keep the pet's thermometer in the medicine cabinet with the human's thermometer. Never. - Dale


Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Bike Flappers Remember when you gave your bike that cool motorcycle engine sound by attaching playing cards to the bike frame and having them flap in the spokes? We used to use clothes pins. But Noah and Reed of the Twin Cities, Minnesota have improved on the idea by using duct tape to attach the cards.

Cherry Bounce - Duct Tape Style When Kelly puts up bottles of Cherry Bounce (cherries, sugar and brandy allowed to co-mingle for two or three months thus yielding a tasty treat), she seals the bottles with duct tape. We think it creates the foil-capped look of a bottle of fine champagne!

Jazz Tape I've been playing jazz for almost twenty years now and duct tape is always along on our gigs! It holds sheet music to our stands on windy outdoor gigs, is great for instrument case repair, and is always available to hold wires in place to the stage floors. Last night I used it to hold a mic in place on my sax. - Stanley T., Memphis, TN

Couldn't have made it home without it......
My father in law and I were returning from a late night gator hunt, went over a bump and felt the boat and trailer wildly fishtailing behind us. We stopped as quickly as possible, having been doing 60, and found that the nut had fallen off the ball. The ball was still in the trailer tongue and the nut was long gone. We didn't have a replacement nut and resorted to ol' trusty to get us home (another 20 miles). It held great. - Michael, St. Simons Island, GA

Shirt of the Month:
Addicted to Duct Tape? You know someone, if not yourself who would love to wear this shirt! Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to tim@ducttapeguys.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)

Be Creative!
Want to be more creative? Use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!

Your caption? Click to enter our photo caption contest! Click the link to see our previous monthly caption contest winners, too!

GEORGE CARLIN'S VIEWS ON:
Cows, the Constitution, the Ten Commandments, and Martha Stewart

COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

And last but not least . .
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."

Question: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb? With apologies to our Bush-loving friends who, for some reason, are becoming a bit more sensitive lately...

Answer: TEN.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb,
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",
7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time,
8. One to viciously smear #7,
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.

Click here to see Tim's Duct Tape Pros cartoons.
If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!
Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).