Duct Tape on a Roll - November 2005 edition

						The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails. Submissions Please If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again! Quote of the month: "I would advise them to look for that other guy Osama (bin Laden)...rather than comedians. I don't think we pose much of a threat." - Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of The Onion, in response to a White House request that the satirical newspaper stop using the presidential seal. Source: Reuters Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance. It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on! Sick of high gas prices? You can wad up a bunch of duct tape, sticky-side out and stick it on your front bumper. Then, nudge into a car going in your direction. Pop your car into neutral and turn off your engine. You will be towed to your destination (or somewhat closer to it). But seriously... If you're worried about global warming pollution from our cars and trucks - you're not alone. Cartoon characters Flip the polar bear and P. Chilly the penguin have fled their rapidly melting homes and grabbed the reality TV spotlight to show us how to reduce our dependence on oil and help stop global warming. The first item on the dynamic duo's to-do list: "Pimp Mom's Ride" -- convert an old, gas-guzzling SUV into a hip, advanced hybrid. No need to look for the remote, just click here to watch TV's newest stars work their magic. Trivia: Ninety-five percent of young people could care less about celebrities endorsing products or services. In fact, traditional advertising may be a poor medium by which to influence the purchasing decisions of young people. Only 7% of the surveyed 11-25 year olds admit that seeing something advertised is an important motivating factor in where they spend their pound/dollar/yen. These and other equally fascinating findings are detailed in the Phatgnat Youth Survey Report 2005. Good thing that we aren't celebrities, Tim, otherwise, people wouldn't pay any attention to our endorsement of Duck® brand duct tape, huh? Good point, Jim. Let's remain obscure. Cookin' with Duct Tape: If you love chili, but don't dig the beef or the tomatoes, you will love this WAY easy to make recipe. click to our "Cookin's with Duct Tape" page for the recipe Duct Tape Dad Stories Keep sending us your duct tape dad stories! Click here to submit your stories. We will post the best at the end of the year. Not on our Emailing List? Subscribe Now! Click here to get on the new list now! If you are getting our emails and don't want to, you need to click on the link above and follow the remove instructions (there is no way that we can remove your email for you). Duct Tape Post Cards! Get a set of five Duct Tape Guy postcards. Send $1 to cover return postage and handling to: Duct Tape Guy Postcards 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200 Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235 (remember to include your return address). You can order for others, too. Just include $1 for each separate address. Calling all cheapskates! Get your holiday shopping done now! ON THE CHEAP! Nab our video and two books (above) for only $10 DELIVERED! Click here for details. Hurry! Limited offer!
		*November 2005*




		Duct Tape Costumes = Creativity and Fun this Halloween As evidenced by the photos above, we had a deluge of photos of duct tape Halloween costumes this year. check them out at our costume gallery. And remember to send us photos of what you come up with. We will add them to our costume gallery! Duct Tape Carabineers The Duct Tape Guys choose Duck® brand Duct Tape - for the best consistent quality, most colors, and coolest innovations like the Duck Tape Carabineer (which, by the way is the free gift with your Duck Buck from the back of our new book, "Stump the Duct Tape Guys"). Duct Tape Guys on Pop! Goes the Culture Hear the Duct Tape Guys on the podcast: Pop Goes the Culture. Thanks to Barb Luhring for the exposure to the Pod People! click here to listen. King Kong! Here's something fun for movie buffs to check out: Bob and Kathy Burns on the set of Peter Jackson's New King Kong with the original animation armature used in the making of the 1933 King Kong movie. click here Since it was 1933, no duct tape would have been used, but you might keep an eye open for duct tape in the new King Kong movie (to be released December 14, 2005). If you spot some duct tape in a movie, log into our Duct Tape at the Movies page and send us your sighting (after you scroll through the list to see if we already have it posted, please.) Get more information about the King Kong movie here: http://www.kongisking.net Dale's Discoveries (A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.) They just passed a law in our state that requires the use of hands free devices when talking on a cell phone while driving. Now if only someone would invent hands free ways to drink coffee, eat donuts, and read the paper, then drivers would be free to concentrate all their attention on their dvd players. Or maybe they should just put the steering wheels in the back seat. That is where the people who really know how to drive are sitting anyway. My daughter bought a beverage the other day. On the label it said that one in every twelve wins a free prize, just look under the bottlecap. No purchase necessary. We opened 65 bottles prior to finding a winning cap. Boy, were we glad that there was no purchase necessary! I saw on the package of a toy that it was for "Ages 3 to 99". I suppose this is useful information if you are shopping for a present for someone'e 100th birthday. - Dale

Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

Duct Tape River Ride Our annual canoe trip down the Saskatchewan River was a success this year due to the simple fact that one of us grabbed the duct tape during the packing process. Generally we are "purists", refusing to take unneccessary items. Actually we are getting older and the toting to and from the river is killing us.
This year the South Saskatchewan was low and the amount of rocks created a few 'class one ' rapids. Our old fiberglass canoe took a beating and finally the keel received a crack that it could not withstand. Frantic baling was required. We coasted to a sandy shore, emptied and flipped the canoe to discover a serious wound. Thankfully with a few sticks of Trident sugarless gum and three long strips of that silvery-grey wonder tape we continued on to our destination.
- Lorne and Edie T., Ken and Cheryl M., of Wynyard, Saskatchewan

Duct Tape Rock I come from a small town outside of Asheville, North Carolina. Here we take the phrase "Duct tape fixes everything" to the extreme - it has even been adopted as our redneck chrome. I went to Enka High School, our whole community revolved around the schools athletic teams, and a big part of high school was going on to the school grounds late at night and spray painting our spirit rock. I was a part of a group called "The Senior Camo Girls" it was just my close group of friends that would tag our spirit rock late at night with our Senior Pride, however, after a semester of camo and pink spray paint we thought we would add some of the community culture to our school...by covering the spirit rock in duct tape. You may think this is nothin' just a little duct tape on a little rock, you're wrong! It took time and planning, our first step was to break into the grounds and measure the rock, which wound up being 6ft high, 5ft wide, and 4.5 ft on the top, the next was the duct tape, we weren't sure how much we would need so we decided for each girl to buy three rolls of duct tape which ended up being 15 rolls, which ended up being around 2,043 ft of duct tape. We used all of it. At 10 p.m. the last day before Spring Break we went and covered our spirit rock in duct tape, by 1 a.m. we had one shiny "Candla' Chrome" spirit rock. Attached are two pictures, one is what the rock looked like the day before we did it, while we were doing it, and after we were done.... I am positive this is the best use of duct tape...EVER. - Caitlin G.

Laundry Chute Door Closure Frustrated with a laundry chute door that was continually opening with the opening and closing of the room's door, John of Shoreview, MN resorted to duct tape to keep the danged thing shut. Good thinking John! Now, just tape over your closthing and you will resist spills and stains and remove the need for the laundry chute altogether.

Gameboy Muffler Do you have any noisy Game Boys or other hand held electronics in your house? My poker game is too noisy for my wife. I solved the problem by duct taping over the speaker! I can still hear but the sound doesn't carry. - Wat Hughs

Duct Tape Siding Fix After the hail storm in the Twin Cities area My son in-law fixed the side of there house with duct tape to prevent any more water damage. - Rick Nelson

Body Cast Fix My eight year old son Chad decided to break both his legs this summer and send some time in a full bodycast. The hospital places a wooden broomstick handel between his knees to keep the cast spread wide. Well even in a full bodycast Chad somehow breaks things like that wooden rod but I took my roll of ducktape and wraped the bar up and around the cast several times. Should hold up well until his change! You wouldn't believe how much bodycasts cost - a two dollar roll of duct tape was well worth it! - Chad's Mom

Gooey Farmers My father was a duct tape specialist from way back. His most useful project was recovering the seat on a D17 Allis-Chalmers tractor. It didn't have a cab, so after time passed with the tractor being in the sun the duct tape goo eventually oozed out of the edges and you'd come off the field with the back of your legs sticky with duct tape adhesive. - Melinda Good point to remember - if you are going to have duct tape in the head, it will ooze after a while. So cover your duct tape repair job with a sheet of plastic before using it.

Nesting Material A friend found a barn swallow nest that had fallen to the ground. She used duct tape to put the nest back into place. The swallows raised babies in a mud nest with duct-tape siding. - Al B. Hartland, MN

Shirt of the Month:
Duct Tape - says it all! You know someone, if not yourself who would love to wear this shirt! Click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to tim@ducttapeguys.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)




	Caption Contest on Hold We needed a break from the caption contest for a while. So until next summer, we will be directing you to our old caption contests for your dose of duct tape photo caption humor. You can see who wrote the winning caption to the photo on the right by clicking here. While we are on caption vacation, if you want to be more creative - use the tried and true methods that have fueled the Duct Tape Guys for the past ten years with the Duct Tape Guys' FREE brainstorming curriculum. It makes a great teaching tool. We've posted it here for use by teachers, students... heck, anyone can use it!

A woman took her car to her mechanic. She told him "Every time I take any of my friends out in my car after a while there is this terrible smell. It never happens when I am on my own."

This quite intrigued the mechanic so he said, "OK, lets go for a spin and see what the problem is".

Off they went.

She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 60 MPH, swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the street, narrowly missed three pedestrians in pedestrian crossings, ran several red lights, and just missed a policeman on street traffic duty.

They returned to the shop and she said, "There it is now; there's that terrible smell. Can you smell it?"

"Smell it? Heck lady, I'm sitting in it!

Three souls appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked
the first one, "What was your last annual salary?" The soul replied,
"$200,000; I was a trial lawyer." St. Peter asked the second one the same
question. The soul answered, "$95,000; I was a realtor." St. Peter then
asked the third soul the same question. The answer was "$8,000." St. Peter
immediately said, "Cool! What instrument did you play?"

No parent left behine ...

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district... (Spellings have not been corrected. Sorry about the all caps.)

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE
EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32
AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF
A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT
IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY
VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA,
DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT]. (Love it!)

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND
HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know,
this could be legit!}

15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE I
DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET
THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH,! AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.

17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER
FUNERAL.

18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A
WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}

19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD
NOT BREED WELL.

20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH
GRAMPS.

21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE
THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE
THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I
WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

Click here to see Tim's Duct Tape Pros cartoons.




		If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!


		Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list. If you want OFF of our email list at any time, that’s fine with us, we don’t want to bother anyone with stuff they don't want. Just click the list link above and follow the unsubscribe instructions - *don't send us an email asking us to remove you* - we have no control over the list - you must click the link above or on your email notification to unsubscribe. Thanks. May the Tape be with you! - Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys Click here for archived *On a Roll* Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).