The "BADGE of HONOR" If you've sent us something that we have used on our site, grab the graphic above and post it on your site and in your emails.
Submissions Please
If you have a joke or story that you would like to submit for inclusion in our next newsletter, email it to us. Just make sure it's suitable for all ages (we don't publish anything off-color). Thanks again!
Quote of the month:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Benjamin Franklin

Soapbox presents Tim's personal opinions about serious issues that he feels are of importance.
It has been moved to a different page so those who would rather not have a dose of serious matters can avoid it. If you're concerned with the state of our nation, the future we are giving our kids, issues of peace, justice and faith/values in action, and would like to be exposed to more ideas than those presented by our corporate media, click here. If you don't want to, that's okay. Tape on!

BioFuelishness
Is biofuel really the solution to our "Addiction to Oil" or is all this talk about greening our fuels just a smokescreen for a bigger problem? click here

Trivia:
Cheap Hosts? Dinner guests in medieval England were expected to bring their own knives to the table -- hosts did not provide them. The fork did not appear until the sixteenth century and knives-and-forks were not in general use in England until the seventeenth century. Source: "Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts"

Crude Method... Crude oil was being drilled for in ancient China. In the 6th century it was recorded that hollow bamboo rods were driven into the ground in search of brine to provide salt for cattle. In the process, they also came across natural gas and flammable petroleum, which they used themselves or sold for fuel. Source: "Reader's Digest Book of Facts"

Scrabble anyone? The highest scoring word in the English language game of Scrabble is 'Quartzy'. This will score 164 points if played across a red triple-word square with the Z on a light blue double-letter square. It will score 162 points if played across two pink double-word squares with the Q and the Y on those squares. 'Bezique' and 'Cazique' are next with a possible 161 points. All three words score an extra 50 points for having seven letters and therefore emptying the letter rack in one go.

Cookin' with Duct Tape:


Rich, cheesy goodness from the sister and sister-in-law of your two favorite Duct Tape Cheeseheads - Jim and Tim. click here for this easy-to-make, gourmet hors d'oeuvre recipe

March 2006

We're switching over our e-mail listserve softwware Subscribe Hopefully you found this month's newsletter and were notified without a hitch. We changed over to a new listserv (opt-in/out) software that will hopefully allow better service for our subscribers. If you don't think you are on the new list, Click here - it should be up and running by the 3rd of March. Thanks for your patience during this transition. - Jim and Tim

Go explore!
We got lots of response from this handy little pull-down menu. People discoverint the depth of our duct tape web site. So we're posting it again for your easy-access. After this, you can find it on our main page or refrigerator page.

Prom Time!
Duck brand Duct Tape Announces their sixth annual Stuck at Prom contest!

You could be well on your way to winning a $3,000 scholarship.  All you have to do is make a prom outfit out of Duck Tape, enter the contest, and win!  Concerned you may not be able to stick with it?  Don’t worry, Duck Tape has you covered!

Click here for complete information about this year's Stuck at Prom contest!
And then, click to our Prom Viewer to get inspiration from hundreds of our favorites from the five previous years of the contest.

Dale's Discoveries
(A monthly feature that will be showcasing weird stuff that our friend Dale comes up with.)

This was on an actual sign in our actual grocery store:

Pack-A-Snack
Assorted Varieties
10 for $10.00
Save on up to 5
I was tempted to buy some just to see how much numbers 6 thru 10 would cost.

Speaking of actual signs, my friend, Adam, saw this actual sign in a restaurant in Manhattan:
Our Enclosed Patio is Open.

I found myself singing the Bob Dylan song "Blowin' in the Wind" to myself the other day. My five and a half year old son was apparently listening. After awhile he said "One", then he said "Two". When I asked him what he was saying that about he said that a person had to look up one time to see the sky and needs two ears to hear people cry. Then he said "Ask me some more".

Get a Bumper Sticker FREE! Send us a duct tape sighting with the location and your mailing address and we will send you one of our cool new bumper stickers for your efforts (photo must be of duct tape being used somewhere - out in a public place - not a private residence. You must list the city/state/location of the sighting).

OR If you don't have a digital camera or just want a bumper sticker, you can send $1.00 and get one delivered to your U.S. mailing address. Just send $1 with a self-addressed, stamped (39¢) #10 (business-sized) envelope to: Duct Tape Guys Bumper Sticker c/o 732 Memorial Drive, Suite 200, Sturgeon Bay, WI 54235

Take advantage of our overstock
We've had several orders lately from people taking advantage of our Garage Sale section of the Duct Tape Pro Shop. Some for gifts, but several for business incentives, promotional items, and thank you gifts. If you think about it, it makes good economic sense. For instance, if you are a Realtor: Add an Ultimate Duct Tape Book to a roll of duct tape and you have the perfect little "survival kit" for new homeowners. With prices at less than 50% of retail, you can give a gift that gives big for just a little bit of cash. Check out what's in the Garage today and get your marketing and public relations wheels turning!


Meet us at The Diner. We’ve had some great stories over the counter at the Duct Tape Diner recently. If you haven’t yet read the Diner contributions, stop by! This is where we invite our visitors to share their own duct tape stories.

Just like these people did:

College Drinkin' Aid College party use of duct tape... The idea is, if you’re attached to your bottle, you need to finish it before you can go to the bathroom. If you’re really hard-core, you duct tape two bottles to yourself, one to each hand. So yeah, there’s me, attempting to prove how hard-core I am by taping myself to my drink, which I managed to finish, earning the respect of my peers in the process. It’s stupid, but it’s kind of fun to see who can do it and who can’t. - jess And, if you've had too much, duct tape your car keys to the ceiling so you aren't tempted to drive while tipsy.

ACE Vacuum Repair I'm a night janitor here at the only high school, and our floor vacuum's motor broke down, meaning we've had to send it away for at least 3 weeks. In the meantime, we only have wet-dry vacuums without beater bar attachments. Someone found an old beater bar which plugs in directly to the wet-dry vac to supply it power, and the hose from the wet-dry vac fits perfectly onto the hose from the beater bar with duct tape. The power cord from the beater bar is also duct-taped every 6 inches to each hose to reduce tangling, and since the end of the beater bar was too light, it kept doing pop-a-wheelies on me when I was trying to run it across the floor, so I grabbed a 3-hole puncher from a nearby counter in the library, duct-taped it to the top, and it went perfectly. - Ryan, Maple Creek, SK, Canada

Favorite Jacket
+ Worn Cuffs
+ Duct Tape
= Favorite Jacket
Restored Matt, much to the chagrin of his wife, keeps wearing his favorite jacket - despite worn cuffs. Two bands of classic black duct tape did the trick and gave the jacket a few more years of use.

Wife Pleaser My wife was recently freaking out over an unruly wet-wipe container. Realizing that the lid itself was hopeless, I instinctively reached for the duct tape. After taping the lid closed, I heard a phrase I had never heard before, nor had I ever expected it. "Thanks, you're a great fix-it husband." - Peter von H., Decatur, GA

Duct Tape Frame Job During a recent home show in Buffalo, New York, the resident picture framer, Walt, showed his creativity and duct tape prowise when asked by an attendee to frame the Duct Tape Guys' autograph photo. We think the duct tape matting compliments the oak frame quite nicely. Nice job, Walt!

CactusAid A friend from a website I frequent told me about your great website after a comment I made in a discussion topic concerning removing pesky cactus needles from a woman's backside. I had had a couple of rogue splinters in the soft part of my palm that I could see but couldn't get to. After it took a razorblade, a pair of pointy tweezers and a lot of cussing to get just one little one out I tried putting a little little piece of duct tape over the area so I could keep woriking and ended up leaving it for an hour or so. When I peeled it off, most of the splinters came with it. The others had to work their way closer to the surface before another piece worked on them. - Lin-Z F., EL Paso, TX

  • Are you a Duct Tape AutoBody Technician?
    This shirt proudly displays your preferred tool for autobody repair: Duct Tape But we have a TON of others to choose from. Just click to the Duct Tape Pro Shop to pick one up today. They come in a variety of shirt styles - even a nice cozy sweatshirt for fall and winter wearing!

Got an idea for a shirt? Look through our apparel offerings. If you don't see your idea, and we haven't used it in the past, we just might use it. If we produce it, we will send you a free shirt. (email your idea to tim@ducttapeguys.com - put "shirt idea" in the subject line)
Jim and Tim meet Andrew Dan Jumbo We have our share of meeting celebrities in our travels. This past month we did a show with Andrew Dan Jumbo the hunk carpenter from TLC's "While You Were Out." We were so impressed with this Brit's charisma that we decided to change out accents and our names to Jim and Tim Jumbo.

Things you would never know without the movie industry
• Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they're employed or not.
• At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
• Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
• Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Most dogs are immortal.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
• It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
• You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Dam Beavers...

We all have had our fill of government, bureaucracy and red tape...
That in mind, we thought you might enjoy this:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,
Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Click here to listen to the Duct Tape Guys early radio bits, "Duct Tape Talk".
If you spot duct tape - snap a photo and send it to us. We'll add it to our Duct Tape Sightings pages. Make sure you tell us where the shot was taken!
Well, that’s it for this issue of "Duct Tape on a Roll" Remember that you can share this FREE duct tape and humor newsletter with your friends. Just send them this address: http://www.ducttapeguys.com/list so they can SUBSCRIBE to our email notification list.

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May the Tape be with you!
- Jim and Tim - The Duct Tape Guys

Click here for archived On a Roll Newsletters: 1/02, 2/02, 3/02, 03/19/02, 4/02, 5/02, 6/02, 7/02, 08/02, 09/02. 10/02, 11/02, 12/02, 01/03, 02/03, 03/03, 4/03, 05/03. 06/03 07/03 8/03 9/03 10/03 11/03, 12/03, 1/04, 2/04, 3/04, 4/04, 5/04, 6/04, 7/04, 8/04, 9/04, 10/04, election issue, 11/04, 12/04, 01/05, 2/05, 3/05, 4/05, 5/05, 06/05, 7/05, 08/05, 09/05, 10/05, 11/05, 12/05, 01/06, 2/06,
Tim (left), Jim (other left).