Duct Shui: The Genesis:
This whole Duct Shui thing started when our friend Ray Beckstrom lost his job as a pin setter at Bob's Beef and Bowl to automation. I know what you're thinking, there have been automatic pin setters since the 1950s or before. True, but Bob pays more attention to his hot beef sandwiches than he does his four-lane bowling alley. At any rate, after 40 years of pin setting (he started when he was six), Ray didn't know which way to turn. Then one night around three in the morning, Ray saw an infomercial touting Feng Shui Consulting as an up and coming career opportunity. Before we knew it, Ray had grown a Fu Man Chu moustache, had printed up some business cards, and was hanging around our houses taking notes, rearranging our rooms, digging up our yards, and telling each of us how we needed to "cure" the "bad chi" that we had flowing around us. We listened for three weeks as Ray ranted on and on about Feng Shui and how it could improve our lives. It was an incredible show. Ray was elaborating about this ancient Chinese philosophy as if he had signed up to sell Amway or something, not just some correspondence course. Then, about three hours into our fourth week of listening to Ray, Jim lost it. Ray was speechless, but my wheels were turning. Jim was right! If people were paying big bucks for ancient Chinese philosophy consultants, surely they would drop a few bucks on a brand new philosophy that involved duct tape. I turned to Ray and asked, "Ray, could you give us access to some of your Feng Shui course notes so we can formulate Duct Shui based on these old Feng Shui principles? We would be doing a real service to the western world if we could take the essence of Feng Shui and fortify it with duct tape!" Ray scratched his head and crinkled up his lip, thus sticking some of his artificially blackened moustache hairs up his nose. "Sure, I guess," Ray said. "Do I get a cut?" I assured Ray we would compensate him for his efforts. He slowly pushed his three-ring binder full of correspondence material (for which he had paid twenty easy installments of $19.95) across the table toward us. Jim and I grabbed the Feng Shui binder and retreated to the garage. This book is the result of what we learned there. |
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